Haiku Friday, Vol. I

I’ve easily written Girlfriend over a hundred poems, but don’t let that statement influence the type of guy you think I am. I’m no overly-sensitive wussy.

Back in the day, Girlfriend and I would communicate throughout the week electronically (via email and chat). She works in an office, and even though I work on the road, my work laptop is always nearby. This internet interaction broke up the monotony of the work day, and always provided me with laughs. Our conversations didn’t consist of anything substantial most of the time – it was more of a contest to see who could out-funny the other.

To keep things interesting, we started coming up with themes for that day’s correspondence: Joke Day was full of horribly corny jokes that were funny for that reason only; Poem Day didn’t last because it didn’t have enough structure; Random Day was OK at first but quickly devolved into total weirdness (examples: “your veins are hot” and “you have good handwriting”); Roses Are Red Day was great at first, but didn’t have staying power due to the format’s predictability (example: “Roses are red, stinky are farts, I hope you know, I’m better at darts”).

Then we came up with an idea that has provided us with the most comedic opportunity thus far: Haiku Day. Yes, an entire day of communicating only through Haiku. That is just funny, in and of itself.

For those of you who don’t know, Haiku is a kind of Japanese poetry. It consists of three lines containing five, seven, and five syllables, respectively. There is typically a pause after either the first or second line, although we didn’t always follow that rule. Here are a few of the gems I found while browsing through old emails of ours:

Yep you are so right
Good to know where lawn tennis
Originated

Don’t worry OK
I like my little dummy
Man, you cant teach that

You can lick my balls
Oh yes, you can lick my balls
I said lick my balls

No, you cant teach that
I said that you cant teach that
Now THAT’S repeating

I am not a girl
Unless you’ve heard of a girl
With goatee and d**k

We are getting good
Japanese would be jealous
With their squinty eyes

Try to impress me
I double-dog dare you to
Go on, rock my world

You liar liar
Look, your pants are on fire
Better take them off

Whatever you say
Enjoy the view of my head
As I walk away

I’m so tired today
I wish it was tomorrow
I’m gonna smack you

There will be smooching
Oh yes, there will be smooching
I mention smooching?

Don’t twitch, it is bad
People think you’re seizur-ing
They have meds for that

Wonder how long we
Can keep this sh*t up, all day?
So nice to have you

Isn’t that a trip?
We are meant for each other
You are an a$$hole

I hate you so much
You are such a f**king b*tch
First line is a lie

I look retarded
Driving around, counting words
Good idea, so fun

Sound like a robot
When I read Haiku poems
In my head of course

How are carrots fun?
They are small, orange, and boring
I’m a vegetable

We had such fun with it, that I decided to try a Haiku Day here and see how it goes. So, each Friday I’ll be posting a Haiku. There is only one rule: your comments must also be in Haiku form. Other than that, anything goes. Here’s the first entry:

Haiku are easy

But sometimes they don’t make sense

Refrigerator