I met some family for lunch about a week ago, and I had to use the bathroom before we left the restaurant. The toilet trip got me thinking (what else do you do in the bathroom?), so I thought I’d share a few very basic rules that a man must follow when using a public bathroom:
1. If there are less than two of any combination of toilets/urinals and all are taken, wait outside of the bathroom until someone comes out.
2. Never speak to or look at your neighbor while relieving yourself at the urinal. This is no time for small talk.
3. If there is a bathroom attendant, wash the willy off of your hands even if you don’t have a dollar to give him. I don’t want to indirectly touch your junk as I open the door to leave.
4. Always courtesy flush.
5. Check for toilet paper before sitting, not after. It could cost you a pair of underwear.
6. Don’t talk on your cell phone while in the stall. That’s just weird.
7. Lock your stall door. Not everyone looks underneath for a pair of feet.
8. Acknowledge and/or obey any and all signs posted, such as “out of order,” “wet floor,” or the sign I happened upon during my bathroom trip:
I feel really bad for whoever is in charge of emptying trash cans, but hey – rules are rules.